10:57pm January 10, 2019

lyriform:

if you tip your pizza delivery driver $10 or more they’ll remember your house and offer you protection from mirror world delivery drivers (shadow pizza hut, evil dominos, little caesers)

54,186 notes

10:55pm January 10, 2019

vampireapologist:

when i talk about my dreams ppl are always like “wow ur dreams are so amazing and coherent with cool plots” and I’m like well yeah bc I’m only giving you the synopsis. my dream about being a marine biologist exploring the oceans on the moon of a distant planet is really cool and plot-driven in the summary I give you that leaves out the part where the pilot of our spaceship was a professional Keanu Reeves impersonator but he wasn’t very good at it so his main job was piloting space ships but he wouldn’t stop pretending to be Keanu Reeves still

4,403 notes

10:52pm January 10, 2019

macalpeeney:

happy epilogue day

138,204 notes

10:50am January 10, 2019

stephendann:

marithlizard:

space-parasite:

marithlizard:

joshsundquist:

Amputee soccer is kind of hilarious

OK this is awesome, why is it not televised?

Because telling jokes about yourself is not the same as having people laugh at you?

I didn’t mean televise it as comedy, I meant as a sport!  It sounds more interesting to me than regular soccer, and the players must have incredible dexterity. 

I went to the Youtube, and @marithlizard is right about the sport.

I mean, yes, this is the world cup final, so that’s the elite at their elite

And this is a playoff, but yeah, there’s just so much to take in for the speed and agility.

Plus that recovery at 1 minute mark.

10,621 notes

10:39am January 10, 2019

longlivethlesbians:

my favorite thing is when ur not talking to a dog and then u just look at them and their tail starts wagging but like. unsure. and then u start talking to them and it gets a little faster and then u get all excited and they get all excited its just wonderful

12,322 notes

10:38am January 10, 2019

invalleumbraemortis:

angrypixie-sarisa:

embraceyourmelanin:

Full offense but women with dark skin should be treated with respect regardless of how attractive you find them 👀👀

Change it to EVERY WOMAN

Ok

Full offense but every woman with dark skin should be treated with respect regardless of how attractive you find them 👀👀

Fixed

60,149 notes

10:37am January 10, 2019

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

samdirector24:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

luisonte:

¡Corre a por ella!

MILK DOGE

Playtime!

They are VERY GOOD at fetch!

24,309 notes

10:35am January 10, 2019

lizardywizard:

galleytrot:

“Lie close,” Laura said,
Pricking up her golden head:
“We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots?”

A wolf goes for a walk in the woods and meets a dog for the first time

I am totally here for “dogs as wolf body horror”.

145,025 notes